Things I Never Thought I’d Say Until I Became a Mom (Especially While Traveling)

Before kids, I was a calm, mildly organized traveler. Passport? Check. Cute carry-on? Check. Airport beer? Absolutely check.

Then I had children.

Now I travel like a Sherpa with anxiety and an emergency snack inventory.

Motherhood didn’t just change my life it completely rewired my vocabulary, particularly in airports, on airplanes, and in hotel rooms where tiny humans lose their minds over the wrong color spoon.

Here are a few phrases Past Me would have never believed would exit my mouth:

“Please don’t lick that, we’re in an airport”

Said while sprinting across terminals.

Why are children biologically compelled to taste:

• Airport windows
• Boarding gate chairs
• Literally anything within tongue distance

Nothing says “vacation mode” like yelling this sentence before 7am.

“That is NOT an airplane snack”

No, not the safety card. Not the barf bag. Not the mystery crumb from seat 14B circa 2009.

Why do kids ignore the perfectly good snacks you packed and instead choose chaos cuisine?

“We cannot pack 17 stuffed animals”

Airline baggage policies exist for a reason.

Apparently my child believes we are relocating permanently every time we leave the house.

“Stop running, this is security”

Nothing spikes your blood pressure like a toddler making a break for it toward the TSA line.

Bonus stress if you’re juggling: ✔ Shoes ✔ Laptops ✔ Boarding passes ✔ A baby who picked this exact moment to melt down

My kids loved running under the security ropes and laughing at my fury. On the plus side, by standers thought it adorable.

“What do you have in your mouth?!”

The universal parenting panic question.

Especially terrifying when you’re 30,000 feet in the air and retrieval options are… limited.

“No, you cannot push the call button again”

To the flight attendant: I am so sorry.

To my child: This is not a doorbell. We are not ordering room service from the sky.

To airlines: Please put these buttons back overhead, next to the air vents.

“Please stop kicking the seat”

A sentence whispered, begged, negotiated, and silently screamed.

Usually while making aggressive eye contact with the passenger in front of you.

“Why is everything sticky?”

Airports. Airplanes. Hotel rooms.

Where does the stickiness come from? Why is it always on me? Why did I wear a black shirt?

Again, wipes, lots of wipes.

“I just want to sit down for five minutes”

Pre-kid travel: leisurely strolling duty free.

Post-kid travel: cardio workout featuring luggage, children, snacks, and mild desperation.

If you do stroll duty free, your kids want to come and always expect you to buy the massive Lego airplane or talking Furby.

Final Thoughts From a Parent Who Misses Quiet Flights

Traveling with kids is equal parts magical, exhausting, hilarious, and mildly unhinged.

Yes, it’s chaotic. Yes, you’ll say things you never imagined. Yes, someone may cry (sometimes you).

But somehow, between the meltdowns, snack negotiations, and public parenting performances…

It’s still worth it.

Mostly.